Sonnet
A distant memory, that's all it is
I only wish the past was still present
Warmth still lies on my fingertips, it's his
It's something I can't escape, my torment
If only I could see him smile again
Our past will always come back to haunt us
The grim love between just made us insane
I could only meet him inside the bus
We would hold hands together forever
Try to escape though we knew it couldn't be
Then by parents our last threads were severed
Though over I felt not happy nor free
Because that young boy had stolen my heart
Love lingers but we're forever apart
2 comments:
Renee-
your sonnet is adorable; i love it.
i especially like the last two lines. they have a great sound to them and flow really well.
the opening was also really catchy and intriguing (:
i'd say if you were to change anything, to just be careful about your word choice-- in the second stanza you say "haunt us" and im not really sure what you mean by haunting you...
also in that stanza, the last line doesn't quite seem to flow as easily as all of the other lines. i like the idea you present but maybe wording it a little differently would keep the rhythm and descriptiveness of the poem going.
overall, great job!
-kim
RENEE
Your sonnet is great I like the your choice to write on. I like the 3rd and fourth stanzas the best they are descriptive and create a feeling in the reader. Although I noticed somthing off in the first stanza it is the b1 and b2 ryhmes they are forced and try to find somthing that isnt a off rhyme. But other than that a thumbs up!
-SPInnAKER
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